Boomers to Millennials. 4 generations of DEgeneration.

As the absurdity of 2020 rolls on, a palpable trend of disassociation develops. The daily news is predictably insane and unrelentingly depressing.

So we choose our diversions from an on-screen menu and we shop likewise and contemplate the future of an “on-demand” society that expects every urge to be immediately satisfied?

We are not simply talking about music and entertainment here. The concept is inclusive of food, clothing, gadgets, and even, dare I say it…SEX! We are likely two updates away from Uber Eats partnering with Tinder so that you can just have sex with the person delivering your dinner. The only question will be whether they let you eat while your meal is still warm, or get right to it in order to meet their next delivery and get that 5 star rating. I won’t even touch the subject of “tipping”.

Here is an experiment for you twenty-somethings: Next time you visit grandma at the nursing home, tell her you’re on Tinder. Then, take a moment to patiently explain the concept, but really only once you feel she’s lived enough.

In an effort to make sense of our current reality, here is a historic look at the generations that got us here:

Baby Boomers: After a depression and a World War, they suddenly had every modern convenience: Car, TV, stereo, and a telephone. Still, with only very basic expectations. For instance, to receive a phone call one actually had to be in proximity of the wall to which it was attached. Otherwise, it may as well have been the proverbial tree falling in the forest. But here’s the scary part, kids: No call display! Every ring was a mystery. “Who could it be? Maybe it’s Ed McMahon telling us we’ve won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes!”. It never was, and please don’t ask me to explain what any of that means. You have a smartphone. Look it up.

Computers existed, but the idea that anyone would have one in their home, let alone the palm of their hand, would have been like Noah telling everyone he was building an Ark on which he would put camels, and elephants, and… a COMPUTER THAT YOU HOLD IN YOUR HAND!

To Boomers, everything was accessible, but controlled and rationed by the “establishment”. They consumed literally and figuratively what they were served in the kitchen, in the classroom, on TV, or at the drive-in theatre (Now there’s a cultural experience forever lost). Their choices extended to Jackie Gleason or Lucille Ball, and chocolate or vanilla. Let’s put it this way: McDonald’s only had one hamburger. They called it… “The hamburger”.

Those were the “good ol’ days”! If you were male, and caucasian. Oh, how far we’ve come. (Numerous jokes removed for lack of necessity)

At the very least, they understood that everything was possible with some modicum of effort and patience.

Generation X: The offspring. Heirs to the guilt their parents never assumed. The middle-child of textbook narcissists: responsible but not entitled. Content just to be living in the “future”. After all, these kids were introduced to the VCR, and the glorious prospect of watching a movie of their choice (from among the dormant cinema titles available) in the comfort of their own home, at the time of their choosing. As long as they remembered to rewind. Note to millennials: It was exhausting, but nothing compared to dialing an overseas number on a rotary phone!

It was around this same time that they uncovered a technology that would allow a recorded version of one’s own voice to answer the telephone in their absence, and receive a recorded message back. Unless the tape got chewed up, of course. Gone forever was the excuse “You called me? Sorry, I must’ve been out.”

Generation Y: Oh, how much money they spent replacing records with CDs that are now worthless, but at least they got to experience the pleasure of buying and unveiling something tangible before it simply turned into air.

These kids were born in the left lane of life’s technological highway and as a result were less daunted by the changing climate. Their world was the realization of all prognostications in early science fiction, minus the flying cars.

Oh, what high hopes we had for these kids. They were almost ideal but for one fatal flaw: Parenting! The true road to hell was paved in the good intentions to repair the psychological missteps of their predecessors. If only they hadn’t WILDLY over-corrected and become those whiny, wishy-washy, overly-permissive, breast-fed till they were 8, “my kids are my best friends”, “every kid should get a medal”, “It’s not his fault he acts like an asshole, it’s just his ADD” type of parents. They have no idea that they’re raising thin-skinned, cyber-stalking, completely volatile psychos until the interview that follows the mass-shooting where the robot voice behind the blurred face says, “We don’t know what went wrong”.

Enter the NEXT generation:

Millennials: These kids exit the womb with Bluetooth and Virtual Reality goggles. They are faster than all of us and smarter, especially if you ask them. But these are some messed up avatars. Defined entirely on the basis of their digital profile, no action truly exists without at least 100 views.

Somewhere in the nouveau-vernacular of entitlement and impatience is the oft-repeated term “privacy” which means something entirely different than to any of the above. The very concept is 99% unattainable. The other 1% being the extent of time you can hold your breath underwater in the middle of the ocean. Even then, some scuba diver with a Go-Pro is posting live to Instagram above a caption that reads “Solitude”.

Big Brother is here NOW, people! (Note: Orwellian reference from ancient scriptures once referred to as “books”) So if you think no one will notice you walking two doors down your apartment corridor to throw garbage in the chute without wearing a face mask, think again. Because security trumps privacy, right? So if any of you criminals even think about smoking a cigarette, or jaywalking, or jumping the subway turnstile, sampling nuts from supermarket bulk bins, or heaven forbid omitting a receipt with your income tax filing, you will be caught and charged.

It is only if one commits a truly heinous crime such as; murder, rape, or kidnapping, that satellite footage and DNA science are deemed inadmissible by the courts as infringing on your personal freedoms.

Whatever my point was, it was lost somewhere amidst the meds for ADHD and clinical depression, but if I am forced to make one, it is this:

The best we can hope for is that when these youths become parents (any day now) they will have the wisdom to correct and compensate for the errors of theirs, and set the world (somewhat) straight again.

But I am not betting on it.