Anyone who has seen the movie, Wayne’s World, knows this has been done before, but to my millennial readers, I offer more than just a gag. First, you must imagine a time when households did not have even a single computer, and the internet did not exist. Music was introduced on radio and interpreted phonetically.
Now that you’ve had a moment to visualize that frightening reality, you might understand how we, quite often, did not know the correct words of a song unless we bought the record album and it happened to have lyrics on the sleeve. Millenial disambiguation: Please Google keywords; record, album, and sleeve. For parents’ sake, I won’t even mention 45s.
The Wayne’s World segment covered some famous misquotes including some I hadn’t heard before like Elton John’s Bennie and the Jets “She’s got electric boobs. Her mom has too.”. But there were so many more that I, or someone I knew sang incorrectly without ever considering how nonsensical the phrases were. These are just a few that spring to mind:
Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann: This one was so universally misheard that most folks over the age of 40 already know where I’m headed. Instead of the Bruce Springsteen-penned “Blinded by the light. Revved up like a deuce, Another runner in the night”, We sang “Wrapped up like a douche“. This minor audible deviation was amplified by the fact that most of us were too young to grasp the significance of our substitution. It was a simpler time when we relied on our conservative parents to hear and/or slap us to know we had stumbled upon something improper.
I’d Really Love to See You Tonight by England Dan & John Ford Coley: This one’s not on me. About a million people thought they were saying “I’m not talking ’bout the linen, and I don’t want to change your life.” Which begs the question “Why WOULD he talk about the linen?”. What the hell did this guy do to this woman’s sheets that was so bad he literally had to take time off from the relationship? Because it starts with a call saying “Hello. Yeah, it’s been a while.”. The true lyric was “I’m not talking ’bout MOVING in” which of course makes much more sense, but it was a little disturbing before that became apparent. Perhaps those crazy moustaches muffled their enunciation.
Look What You Done To Me by Boz Scaggs: I always sang “Love, look what you’ve done to me. Never thought I’d come again so easily.” What he actually said was “Never thought I’d FALL again so easily.” Whoops. But again, it’s not that my mind was in the gutter. I was not old enough to perceive innuendo or even fathom a sexual connotation of this nature. That was simply how I heard it. It was not until an older cousin heard me singing along to their car radio that it became apparent I had unintentionally altered Boz’s message in a somewhat indecent manner. Although as I revisit this now, one could make a case for the lyric I used. No offense, Boz. Yours works too.
Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer: On this, I was old enough to know. But one day I heard someone sing with a straight face “Might as well face it, you’re a dick with a glove”. My first assumption was that I had misheard, so I asked him to repeat it. I thought he was just being juvenile until some other stoner in the room joined in. I pointed out that the more obvious choice was “you’re Addicted to Love” since that, as was quite commonly known at the time, was the TITLE OF THE SONG! The more surprising part of this story was when these two looked at each other and said, “Whoa! That DOES make more sense”. It was then I made a mental note to stay away from weed, but that note must have been written on a mental Zig Zag because I was never able to find it.
Dancing Queen by Abba: Everyone had some unique version of “See that girl, watch that scene, diggin’ the Dancing Queen”. My interpretation was “See that girl, watch her spleen, picking the Dancing Queen”. Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was 10. My research shows that a large number of people heard “See that girl, watch her scream, kicking the Dancing Queen”, which is a little disturbing to say the least. What kind of sick sadist would sing those words to such a gleeful melody? For the sake of levity and brevity, I will refrain from listing any of the others I came across but needless to say, at worst they were sexist and at best no rendition invoked the regal image suggested in the song’s title.
One on One by Hall & Oates: “I’m tired of playing on the team. It seems I don’t get time out anymore”. I started out singing “I’m tired of taking Ovaltine” and quickly discovered that, not only did it make no sense, but that I was the only one that heard it that way. And yet, once that line was etched in my brain, it came out of my mouth every time I heard the song over the next 30 years. I suppose I should be thankful that no one listens to me or I would owe thousands in chocolate milk royalties.
Africa by Toto: How this song evolved into a classic, I’ll never know. It was certainly overplayed at the time, and everyone had their own version of various verses but this one goes “There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do”. I used to sing “There’s nothing that a hundred men on Mars could ever do”. I was not going to include this because I did not think it was interesting or amusing. And then I discovered two things: 1. It makes absolutely no difference to the song, and 2. According to Google, thousands of other people have, and are STILL singing it that way. And guess what. It makes absolutely no difference to the song!
Rock & Roll All Nite by KISS: I saw this in the movie Role Models when Seann William (Stiffler) Scott plays a KISS CD and Paul Rudd says “I want to rock and roll all night, and PART OF every day”. When Scott points out that the correct lyrics are actually “PARTY every day”, Rudd shakes his head and says “I can only rock n’roll PART of every day. I have errands. I can rock & roll from like 1 to 3 pm.”.
Wannabe by Spice Girls: Why any part of this song needs interpreting is the real question. It may even inspire a future list of lyrics that may as well have been entirely, comprised of gibberish. I could probably replace the lyrics with random words from a language that I don’t actually speak and it would be just as effective. That said, I only just discovered that the words I had been singing for years in jest were in fact correct. The line goes “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”. Umm…say what now? That’s Mel B saying that “if you want to sleep with me, you also have to sleep with my friends”? Well, let’s have a look at those friends of yours, shall we? I mean, don’t oversell it. I am pretty sure there are very few deal-breakers in this scenario.
Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann: Yes, I chose to begin and end with separate lyrics from the same damn song! Clearly Manfred would have benefitted from lessons in elocution. I can assure you that no matter what you thought this line was, there is NO WAY that anyone was singing it correctly. In fact, I strongly urge you to click here and listen at about 2 minutes and 10 seconds, then tell me if you don’t hear the words “Little Early-burly gave my anus curly-wurly, and asked me if I needed a ride”. But for those of you who think that’s just ludicrous, consider the intended prose which was “And little Early-pearly came by in his curly-wurly, and asked me if I needed a ride”. Because then the question becomes “WHO came by in his WHAT??”, at which point you have to ask yourself: Even if I DID need a ride, would I take one from a guy named “Early Pearly” on something called a “Curly Wurly”? So alright, I admit that my version is puzzling and weird (and in retrospect, a little gay) but not much more so than the original.
I am sure there are many more so feel free to comment with some of your own.
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