5 myths you were taught to believe

I can already hear the outcry of obstinate protest erupting from the  challenge of deep-rooted beliefs. Most people experience vehement denial when confronted with the revelation that their mommy may have lied to them. But in mommy’s defense, she is likely just passing on the same misinformation she received from grandma, so cut her some slack before she starts emailing me.

Allow me to preface by stating that what used to be referred to as “common sense” seems to have become increasingly less “common”, but if you can muster a little bit of logic, it can go a long way toward dispelling fabrications. Let’s begin with this:

1. Opinion: Definition: A view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. Classic cop out for every shmuck losing an argument: “everyone is entitled to their opinion”. While the statement may be accurate, it doesn’t apply to a debate of actual facts. Saying “I don’t like that song.”. THAT is your opinion. But if my doctor tells me I have high blood pressure, can I say, “Well, you’re entitled to your opinion.”? No! The automatic gainsaying of information you are ill-equipped to dispute is not a valid opinion. You may as well put your hands over your ears and shout, “La-la-la-la…”.

I was recently involved in a “discussion” where someone stated that French Canadians do not speak REAL French. When probed as to the extent of their linguistic pedigree, it was revealed that they could not speak or understand a word of French or any other language, and frankly, were barely literate in English. So “Agree to disagree” lacked the weight of a legitimate rebuttal. At this point, you’ve basically tapped out, and the only reasonable response would be “I am not currently prepared to defend my ill-informed point of view. Let’s reconvene once I have a clue what I am talking about.”.

2. Innocent until proven guilty: Maybe on TV, but I have seen enough in real life to know that if you engage in any transaction with or for someone that may have a questionable past (or present) and you manage to arouse the suspicion of a powerful agency such as; Securities Commission, Revenue Agency, or major credit bureau, your life can be systematically dismantled with minimal evidence of wrongdoing. They can all too easily freeze accounts, initiate liens on your home, and precipitate a multitude of legal fees, from which the average citizen could never fully recover, and then simply drop the case if evidence is found to be lacking. In fact, the ease with which your credit can be damaged by any overzealous clerk in a carpeted cubicle is astonishing. Due process does exist in some form but often the burden of proof rests on your narrow little shoulders and it’s much harder to UN-do than it was to do in the first place. So if you’re dating someone who sits behind that desk, just make sure you never break up with them. Which leads me to the next one…

3. There is a decent way to break up: Mankind, in all it’s glory has never evolved into gracefully handling rejection. So regardless of whether both parties communicate effectively, engage in therapeutic endorfin-enhancing exercises, and drink smoothies containing all of the finest vitamins and minerals, at least one party is going to be disgruntled. Legend has it that there was once a person long ago who managed to facilitate a parting of seemingly mutual agreement that ended with a hug and a fond farewell. It seemed a victory for all mankind until members of the “victim’s” inner circle contributed their unsolicited assessment. It was then that the proverbial shit-storm ensued, leading to heightened animosity, defamation of character, and the ritual burning of personal belongings. So the moral of the story is that there is no escaping unscathed. Best-case scenario is to pack your stuff, leave town, and send a Hallmark card that says “You may now begin seeing other people. Hope you do better next time!”

4. Parents love all of their children equally: According to Reader’s Digest online, a study of some 700 parents by sociologist Katherine Conger showed that over 70 percent confessed to favouring one child over the other. Franky, how could they not? I preferred one parent over the other, and one sibling over the next, as do my siblings themselves. So if you happen to be one of the unjustly overlooked, just know that this won’t excuse your shortcomings, so don’t bother bitching. Just live your life. And dear parents, while it may be natural to connect with one child more than another, you should probably extend some effort not to make it obvious. Because the world may be unfair, but your child will be reminded repeatedly on their own. Perhaps home is not the best place for that life lesson. Just sayin’.

5. All Jews are rich: As a Jew myself, I really wanted this to be true. That a lot of pressure! Maybe Jews have enjoyed a high success rate as a result of this self-fulfilling prophecy. Because how embarrassing is it to be the poor Jew? That’s probably how we got the stereotype of being cheap. You make a donation and someone says” “What? That’s it? You cheap Jew! It’s worth noting that if you actually believe this, you are not only very likely an anti-semite, but I’m pretty sure your parents were anti-semites. And probably racist. Unless your black. Then you are just an anti-semite who just didn’t learn your history.

My only theory is that Jews historically strove to achieve, and kept to themselves, which may have fostered a certain “mystique” among their neighbours. And what people don’t know, they tend to make up. The Nazis were not the first to produce anti-Jewish propaganda, but their marketing campaigns were top-notch. Also, anti-defamation lawsuits were not trending high in German courts, what with all those pesky Jewish lawyers out of the way. In fact, the fallacies they perpetuated can probably be traced back to ancient Rome when some Jew invented the concept of money-lending as a business (“WHAT? That’ll never take off!”). But let’s accept that there are a fair number of wealthy Jews and ask the more important question: How does it work? Is it because the lord favored and blessed them above his other children? (See number 4 above) It wouldn’t be their commitment to education? What, too obvious? It’s worth noting that this group who populate 1.25% of the world has somehow received a quarter of all Nobel prizes ever awarded. Is it because they control the banks? Sure, that’s a sensible explanation for how a tiny group of people could produce such an overwhelming measure of revolutionary advancements in physics, chemistry, medicine, literature, and art. Or maybe they’re ALL rich because the ones that do make money (you know, from all those kooky “Jew-ideas”) just re-distribute it to the rest of the tribe. Yeah, that’s probably it. Because they’re greedy, but they share. So please excuse me while I draft letters to the B’nai Brith and United Jewish Appeal who evidently do not have my correct home address, although I am confident that once they are notified, I will begin receiving my “Jew-cheques”.

Comments are welcome.