Saying goodbye to the second decade of the second Millennium requires an obituary of sorts.
Well, the decade began with an international recession that bore a European sovereign debt crisis, that introduced the word “austerity” into the mainstream vernacular. This thrust some countries (Greece, Spain, etc.) into complete financial meltdown, which led to unrest in other regimes yearning for a good revolution (Tunisia, Yemen, Egypt…) eventually compelling some nations to say “We out. Let’s Brexit this b**ch!”. I am paraphrasing, of course.
And that was how the 10s began. Nowhere to go but up, right? BUZZ! Wrong. Things just kept getting crazier. So which moments will time determine to be the most historical? What events will wield the most influence over the future of our ever-evolving world? I invite you to share in the flawless hindsight of the Benhaim Paradigm:
- World powers: The first black U.S. president was almost replaced by the first woman president until a seismic shift provided something completely unique: An old, rich, white guy. Not very liberal (or presidential) but he sure knows how to navigate Twitter. In any case, the jury’s still out on Trump. Literally.
2. Heirs to the throne: The royal couple produced some successors. I am referring, of course to Beyonce and Jay-Z. Who did you think I meant? Kim and Kanye? Don’t be silly. Also, Diana’s kids over in England got married and reproduced, but somehow that seems less important.
3. Uber-Tinder: These are actually two separate things but I wouldn’t be surprised if somehow they figure out a way to mesh both. I found this quote on Reddit.com/Showerthoughts: “We were taught as kids to not get in strangers’ cars or meet strangers from the internet, and now we literally summon strangers from the internet and get in their cars.” So, you see my point re: Tinder, Grinder, or whatever you’re into.
4. Home Theatre: From On-Demand to Netflix to Prime to nobody’s got cable anymore, owners of movie theatres just got collectively sadder than the former Managers of individual Blockbuster Video Stores. Definitely less happy than the producers of internet porn. And speaking of porn… Nope. The “Me Too” movement prevents me from commenting on the grounds that there is virtually nothing a man can say that will not incriminate him.
5. Amazonian Shopping: Whether it’s Amazon, Rakuten, Zulily, etc. On-line shopping is the new On-line gambling! (Because I already mentioned Internet porn) Scour the web for great deals, without listening to a sales pitch, and have them delivered to your door for free? Where do I sign?
6. Privacy: An ancient word once described by Merriam Webster as “freedom from unauthorized intrusion : state of being able to keep certain especially personal matters to oneself — see also expectation of privacy, invasion of privacy, and right to privacy.” Well, I think we all know that ship has sailed. Thank you Edward Snowden.
7. LGBTQ: It stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning. It was bound to happen. It’s hard to keep 7.5 billion people down to two pronouns without “questioning” something. So we’ve added a third: “They”. Until the 10s, the best you could hope for was to recognize “her” as “him”, and vice versa. Then came Chas Bono (previously “Chastity”, Sonny & Cher’s daughter-turned son) and the more renowned Bruce Jenner-turned Caitlyn. Now, there are the gender-fluid folk who ask to be referred to as “they”. We should have no problem with that or any sexual orientation. Except for bisexuals. They just seem a little too greedy.
8. Space: In this decade, we discovered new planets, found water on Mars, entered Jupiter’s orbit, and the Chinese successfully landed the Chang’E 4, an exploration robot, on the far side of the moon. I believe they are currently making cheap copies to sell to every other country.
9. Marijuana: It always amuses me that the only people who use that word are those who have never used the substance. No one’s ever heard the phrase “Hey, can you pass me the Marijuana?”. Well, whatever you call it, it’s legal now and though some still see it as an evil weed, we can also enjoy watching those whose only previous excuse was “It’s illegal”, suddenly let loose. Because nothing is more amusing than someone over 40 getting high for the first time and having no clue why they suddenly crave cheesy fries and deep-fried Snickers bars. So I guess Uber Eats came along just in time.
10. Canadian NBA champions: The Americans said it could never be done. And they’re NEVER wrong! But somehow, this underdog Canadian team, made up of individuals from just about every country besides Canada, dared to believe that despite their higher taxes, ever-changing exchange rates they could never completely grasp, and media and referees that did everything in their power to shuck them aside like the skinny girl in the Roller Derby, they could possibly become world champions. And they did. Not in a video game or a Hollywood movie. In REAL life. And yet, it was not enough to keep Kawhi Leonard here. Still, what a way to end the decade. WORLD Champions!
May the 20s bring balance and peace to the world. And if not, we can probably just move to Mars.
Lol@bisexuals just seem a little too greedy