8 reasons dog is man’s best friend

If you’re one of those people that does not like dogs, you will not be judged by me. Not outwardly, anyway.

I would however, silently wonder what was wrong with you. I would ask myself what frightening psychological trauma could invoke a contempt for something so inherently lovable. I might further contemplate whether this disdain extended to babies… or music… or sunshine, or… cake.

But I would not judge.

I might pity someone for lacking the capacity to appreciate the joy that a perky little tail-wagger can bestow upon a child, individual, or family. Because all of the qualities you wish for in your own family or friends are innately present in man’s best friend.

The sole pivotal component is of course, the master. A dog’s nature is such that it will adapt to the standards exemplified by the Alpha, and let’s face it: There are a lot of really ugly Alphas out there.

So, proceeding under the assumption that little “Scootsie” belongs to a reasonably stable human, here is a list of common canine attributes:

Affection: Unconditional and non-judgmental. You could come home looking and smelling atrociously, and Fifi would still lick you. That’s assuming your dog’s name is Fifi, and not your wife. Because after years of marriage, your wife probably won’t lick you anyway. I don’t know where I was going with this.

Compassion: Dogs have the ability to sense your mood and react accordingly. Do your kids do this? No. Those ungrateful bastards are just lining up to get you to pay for something, while “Fonzie” just sits by your feet hoping he can lift your spirits. And if it happens to get him some dried liver biscuits and a belly-rub, then so be it.

Cuteness: There’s a line from an old song by Edie Brickell that says “Religion, is a smile on a dog”. Yeah, I didn’t know what she meant either. Then one day, my dog stood before me with a doggy-smile that was so adorable, it would soften the most surly of dispositions, even if only for a moment. Maybe that’s what Edie meant. Someone should ask her since she’s clearly not busy making music anymore. Ouch! See? That was uncalled for. Where’s that smiley son-of-a-bitch when you need him?

Entertainment: Let’s face it, dogs do funny shit. If you give “Pootsie” some attention, she will amuse and amaze you. When my dog wants to play, he simply grabs a squeaky toy and drops it on my lap. No preamble. I throw and he fetches, but does not release. So now it’s a tug o’ war as I try to reason with him, saying “If you don’t let go, I can’t throw it, and the game ends here.” He doesn’t care. He’s just happy to be playing. And frankly if we were all that cool, there would be no war.

Protection: Even my 10 lb. Maltese will charge ahead to thwart a potential threat. Sure, “Desi” might be easily led astray with so much as some Cheerios, but at least he has the right instinct. How many people would jump to your defense so eagerly and unquestioningly?

Welcoming: You don’t even have to be a good person and “Chico” would be happy to see you. You could literally come home after cheating homeless children out of their cut from stealing the hurricane relief fund from a church, and “Lucky” would still greet you with a smile. You don’t deserve him.

Therapeutic: It is a proven medical fact (or maybe just a loose, unproven theory) that dogs can lower a human’s blood pressure, relieve stress, cure athlete’s foot, and relieve the heartbreak of Psoriasis. Is most of this true? Not likely. But just connecting with little “Coco” for a few moments can shift one’s thoughts from the banalities with which we concern ourselves, to the more basic and critical essence of any moment. And that, if only for a fleeting instant, will at the very least mollify any of the above.

The mathematically-inclined among you may have noticed that there are only 7 traits listed above. Because the final characteristic is the singularity that encompasses all of the above. Even breeds with their own particular idiosyncrasies inherently exhibit the most admirable of earthly qualities when shown the absolute minimum of human decency. How many actual humans can you say that about?

This post is dedicated to my two most favourite of all; Our 12 year-old Desi (left), and his recently-departed cousin Charlie, may he rest in peace.