8 Unusual college degrees your parents won’t pay for.

You Majored in what??

I am a strong believer in following your passion. As far as I can tell, the opportunity for success exists in every domain.

I know 50 people with law degrees that either don’t use them or whose lifestyles fell short of promise. I also know some that courageously pursued “roads less travelled” who are happier, and by all accounts more successful than the aforementioned, including a Baker, Comedy-writer, Ventriloquist, Pet Care Specialist, and at least one guy that sells his own sperm (He’s not as wealthy, but seems really happy).

We’ve all heard success stories of people like Larry David, Martha Stewart, Terry Fator, and Cesar Milan, but I’ll bet they were not always encouraged early on. And there’s nothing like trying to do something extraordinary while short-sighted people around you spout negativity.

I once met a wise old man in a nursing home that in a brief moment of clarity uttered the most poignant phrase about a guy on TV, who after years of struggle, finally hit the big time. The old man said, “See that guy? Last week, he was a schmuck!”

Touché.

The truth is that if you commit time and effort to something you love, there will almost always be the need for your expertise…… ALMOST.

As someone with impeccable hindsight, I encourage youngsters to go for gold as long as they are ultimately prepared to support themselves. After all, A unique vision is rarely evident to others until YOU make it so. So stand up, hold your head high, and go tell your parents that you are going to earn a degree in one of the following disciplines:

Auctioneering: It’s not just learning how to talk really fast (although I believe it’s required). Auctioneering is a potentially lucrative career requiring specialization in multiple disciplines for the purpose of acquiring and appraising valuable items or artifacts. Ultimately, the few jobs available could just as well go to experts in those specific areas instead of someone who studied the art of rapid chanting. But you can always give stuff away at parties? Try saying this as quickly as possible: “Who wants cake? Anybody want cake? Do I hear chocolate, chocolate? Choc-o-late! Going once… going twice… SOLD! To the kid with the runny nose!”

Carnegie Mellon moustache, class of ’77.

Bagpiping: Carnegie Mellon University offers this degree. The only thing I can imagine being worse than listening to bagpipe music is spending four years studying bagpipe music.

Beyoncé: Okay, so you can’t actually major in Beyoncé (yet), but there is a “Featured Program” at Rutgers University entitled “Politicizing Beyoncé”. Through her lyrics and videos the course examines the historical and political impact on black women in today’s society. Consequently, Skidmore College offers a course called “The Sociology of Miley Cyrus”. I stopped researching at this point but I’m guessing I’d find Kardashian Communications, and the Anatomy of Channing Tatum.

Yay! I’m a certified Canadiologist!

Canadian studies: Several universities including Duke offer a degree with courses in Canadian History, Canadian Culture, Canadian Literature and U.S.-Canada Relations. Job prospects include working at a museum, government council, or teaching Canadian Studies at Duke University. On the bright side, you’re guaranteed to get an “eh”!

Nannying: For almost $100k, Sullivan University will provide you with a degree. You will learn childcare, safety, nutrition, and hopefully how to handle being mistreated by rich, spoiled housewives while earning just enough to pay off those student loans in about 10-15 years. Seems like a sound investment.

The Simpsons: Apparently, the renowned University of California at Berkeley offers a program that studies the philosophy behind the longest running show ever and as a result, its influence over several generations. Job prospects include… writing a book about the longest running show and its influence on several generations. If someone in your class doesn’t beat you to it.

I’m a college graduate, dammit!

Bowling Industry Management and Technology: Vincennes University offers the definitive B.I.M.T. education including; Lane and Pinsetter Maintenance, Bowling Lanes Management, and Pro Shop Operations. If you like waxing balls (That sounds worse than it is. Or is it?) or sticking your fingers in shoes worn by people not renowned for their personal hygiene, this is the career for you. Job prospects include: Working in a bowling alley. Or designing short-sleeve shirts with names embroidered just above the man-boobs.

Puppetry: Actually, this one’s pretty cool. The University of Connecticut offers courses in puppet production techniques, trends in contemporary puppetry, and marionette construction. And it only costs about 800 birthday parties.

Additional noteworthy degrees include: Farrier Science (Horseshoe production and installation), Surf Science and Technology (self-explanatory), and Hand Embroidery.

So what are you waiting for? Go out there and be a success! I, for one, am rooting for you.

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